he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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