Your tits are I can't wait for
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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