so that wasnt chicken after all
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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