I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
