seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
