u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize