Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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