i jhust puked up my retainher.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
