i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
