you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
