I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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