You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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