david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
