Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
