All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
