If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I smell stomach acid.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just blew my weed a kiss
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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