I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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