Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
