My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
