Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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