I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were destined to go to rehab together
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
