apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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