I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
