apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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