FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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