I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
