Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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