Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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