You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
worst night to have a conscience
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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