There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
