i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
