I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
