Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
