Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Michael Bay diarrhea
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
