I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
