so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
