FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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