With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
