Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
