i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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