sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think your dad took our porno
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
