Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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