I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
