I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
