that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
