Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
