Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
