Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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