I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
