fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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