How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
