Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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