we have pet lesbian snakes
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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