So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
