I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
