he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
