I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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