Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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