he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
