He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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