I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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