Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
