I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
