Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
