Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
