...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
