It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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