when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
