2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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