I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
