'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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