please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
