she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
