I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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