I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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