I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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