escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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