So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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