ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
