dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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